Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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