Say something about gay babies.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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