I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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