Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
