Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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