So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
