HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
