I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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