I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My ATM looks so different sober.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
