Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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