She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
