I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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