Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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