It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
