i don't like sucking hair
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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