Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
