I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
