Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
