So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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