if you like me you must not know who I am
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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