marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's just like the Real World with babies
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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