so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
