His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
