Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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