Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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