Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
