How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
