P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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