his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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