FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
