If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
