I can tuck mytits in my pants
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The best revenge is premature balding
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
my poor anus
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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