You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
