every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
