Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
