is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
do herpes really smell.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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