Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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