there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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