Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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