i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
