Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
