dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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