you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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