we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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