Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
