I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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