but the lizard people decide everything anyway
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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