So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Randomize
