I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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