barbara walters just said penis...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
