I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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