would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
