margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
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I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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