if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
