Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
