I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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