My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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