apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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