so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
