I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
