Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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