He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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