no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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