so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
