well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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