Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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