This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
