it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
