He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
