i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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