I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
