Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
