just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Panties = found
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
