Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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